Greetings and Welcome back!
Many things have changed since your last visit, and fortunately for you Americans are not expecting much, your media back home has already referred you as a lame duck President who is going to India to watch a Parade! Oh additionally you may be signing few papers and pose for photos with PM Modi, may be even a Selfie, you can also learn how to take a Selfie from PM Modi.
This time around instead of Mahatma Gandhi you may have to speak about Godse, so please read about Godse and be prepared to call him a patriot, yes your secret service staff can procure books on Godse from any RSS shakha, they will give it for free. If PM Modi is going with you to Raj Gath it’s more for PR, and be assured his respect is only for Godse and not Mahatma.
PM Modi is all excited about your visit; America has always been his ultimate dream. Recently at Vibrant Gujarat PM Modi promised the world cheap Indian labour, and to prove it he paid Rs 300 per day each for 600 workers who cleaned all parts of Agra that you had planned to visit. Agra and Taj Mahal got a face lift just for you, and you decided to attend the Saudi King’s funeral, yes we understand, oil is indeed thicker!
Our media has changed too, last time they were all thrilled to talk about you for weeks, and this time around they will be finding ways to praise PM Modi from every word you utter. Last time around media was keen on what you wore and what you did not, this time around they will be raving about PM Modi designer wear and how he matches his attire to yours more than Michelle!
I am aware that you have a very high regards for our soft spoken, well educated and statesman Ex PM Dr Singh with 5x3.5 inch Heart and 1.5 kg Brain, but as I said many things have changed, we now have a 56 inch chest PM Modi whom you have to deal with and nothing more.
Was told that you will be giving a sermon called ‘Maan Ki Baat’ along with PM Modi on Radio, Maan Ki Baat is about speaking your mind, so be careful of what you speak! If you really end up speaking your mind PM Modi Bhakts will troll and abuse you, they can trend hash tag of abuses on Twitter within minutes! Beware that the Indian-Americans will spoil the Democrats changes next elections, and will stop funding your party if you even remotely speak your mind!
You are the 1st US President to be part of the Republic Day Parade only because PM Modi is obsessed with ‘1st time’ even if it makes no sense to our Nation. So don’t get carried away that you are the 1st American US at the Republic Day Parade, because it’s not about you it’s about PM Modi.
India’s Republic Day Parade is mostly about showcasing our defence strength and 60+ years of sheer growth and prosperity; don’t feel bad because most of it on display will be Russian! All our previous governments choose Russia over America, but don’t worry PM Modi is a America fan, most of his election funding and support came from NRI’s in America, so expect defence deals for America too.
PM Modi has launched ‘Clean India’ campaign and asking celebrities to send pictures holding a broom, many be you too should launch ‘Clean America’ to wipe and clean the bloodshed across the world you have spilled in the name of war and security for America!
Our Ex PM Dr Singh must have spoken to you about his policies and how it will help most of India’s population, as I said many things have changed PM Modi policies are like Karan Johar movies made for Rich, Affluent and NRI audience with lot of Hoopla. PM Modi has already cut Medical, Healthcare, Land compensation, Rural Jobs, Food, Farmer budget, so do not talk about the common people with PM Modi he has left them to die a natural death or commit suicide as he has also proposed to de-criminalize suicide.
Many things have changed; PM Modi has changed all the name of the programs implemented by Dr Singh lead Government. PM Modi likes ‘change’ he mostly changes names and cloths way too often!
But you just chill and have a good time, this visit is not about you it’s about PM Modi and even if you make few false promises or goofy statements it’s ok, we are now used to the lies PM Modi has told us before elections.
Don’t even try to feel at home, RSS-VHP will then perform a Gharwapsi ceremony for you!